Saturday, June 23, 2007

ACMETV Presents: Looney Tunes – Behind the Anvil

This was the third piece I wrote for my humor writing class.

ACMETV Presents: Looney Tunes – Behind the Anvil

Narrator: The year was 1935. In movie theaters across the nation, a dynasty was being created, all with the antics of a pudgy little pig named Porky. In the following years, he would be joined by other newcomers to the field, Daffy Duck and Bugs Bunny, thus solidifying the foundation of the Looney Tunes. But was everything really all wacky sight gags and innuendos? Starting tonight, we’ll look back on those early years and see what was really happening…. behind the anvil.

[Title Sequence]

Narrator: Perhaps best known for his stammering sign off at the end of each short, Porky Pig was the first breakout star of the series, displacing early troupe members like Buddy and Beans the Cat. Co-star Daffy Duck reminisces.

Daffy: We were on top of the world in the 30s. The fresh faced stars of the future. Oh, if only we knew then what we know now. I mean, Bugs’ greeting aside, none of us were medical professionals. How were we supposed to know that Porky’s stuttering was a sign of dyslexia? To us, the guy just couldn’t talk right. It was funny! Well, it wasn’t funny years later when we were all out of work and the poor guy couldn’t even read the want ads to look for a new job. [Daffy begins tearing up.] Oh God, I can still remember the day I heard the news that he’d killed himself. [The flow of tears streaming steadily down his bill.] Do you know what his note said? Come on, what do you think it said? “Th, th, th” [Daffy tries to get the words out, but keeps choking up. He pauses for a moment to collect himself before continuing.] “That’s all, folks.”

Narrator: A tragic end to one who’s life had been so comedic. If only someone had been able to stop his downward spiral into destruction. Coming up after the break, Bugs Bunny. Just how often did he wear women’s clothes?

[Commercials]

Narrator: The most well-known of the group was a whimsical gray rabbit named Bugs. But what was it really like working with The Bunny? Frequent on-screen rival Elmer Fudd tells all.

Elmer: The man was a genius. He was a master of physical comedy, and possessed a wit sharp enough to allow him to impersonate anyone. I truly admire him. But even so, he could be a little creepy at times. Most of them, actually. What was up with all the nudity? I realize they’re animals, but so are the boys over at Disney, and they didn’t parade around in their birthday suits. And I’m no prude, but when you’re chasing someone, it’s kind of disturbing to see their nether regions just flopping away in the breeze. Heck, it seemed like the only time he ever wore clothes was when he was in disguise. He especially seemed to get a kick out of that whole cross-dressing bit. Now what was it that he called it again? Oh yeah, the ol’ stiletto heels and falsetto squeals special.

Narrator: We caught up with Bugs, now going by the name Holly Hare, to hear his thoughts on the early days, and to see what he’s up to now.

Bugs: Oh it was so much fun, it was such a little boys club. We would always be wrestling around and blowing each other up. It was fantastic. And then one day on a lark, Friz [Freleng, director of many of the Looney Tunes shorts] came up with the idea for me to trick Elmer by dressing up as a girl. Well, the gals in makeup and wardrobe did such a fantastic job, that something just clicked in me. That was what I was supposed to be. Before long, I made it one of my go-to gags to fool someone. Eventually the clothes started going on when I was off the set too. When we all got laid off in ’69, I decided to come to Vegas and be a lounge singer. I was already Holly Hare in my private mind, so I decided to make my public persona match that. Now I fill the house every single night. My rendition of “Kill Da Wabbit” will simply cause you to melt in your seat.

Narrator: That closes up our show tonight. Be sure to tune in next time when we look at Speedy Gonzalez. Did his name take on a whole new meaning when he turned to drugs after winning the Oscar in 1955? Find out when we go…. behind the anvil.

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KurtmanJP said...

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1. Exactly how would Daffy react and what would he say to me if I hugged him and licked those tears streaming down his bill with my tongue to comfort him? Because every time I read that, I fantasize licking every last one of Daffy's tears from his bill til he stops crying.

2. How salty would Daffy's tears taste on my tongue if I licked them from his bill?

3. How warm were the tears streaming down Daffy's bill?
A: Freezing ice cold
B: Cold
C: Warm
D: Hot
E: Scalding hot